I became friendly with a very elderly woman in my village who had cancer. Bit by bit she sold me her wartime story: during WW2, when the Nazis invaded Poland, she and her parents were sent to a forced labour camp, where both the parents died. When the Russians liberated the camp she then spent almost two years in a Russian concentration camp. She eventually ended up in France, but never told her story. Lesson: Never assume elderly people are worthless. Many have lived amazing lives.
This is a very compassionate and inspiring post, thank you. I really regret not making it to many patients’ funerals, a combination of the relentless workload and normal family responsibilities leaves so little time for those important moments. I will try to do more in the present at least as this essay charges us
Oh my gosh, that video is from 2014! It feels so relevant, so needed still today. Loved it, great essay too. With health care as it is now, it’s understandable that everyone is rushed, not enough hands, and too much work, and yet two minutes in a chair makes all the difference.
I shared it with the people on Cancer Connection and have been getting a great response. Thank you!
Thank you for reading, Jen, and sharing with your audience. Sometimes I'm running around and I really don't have time for a long conversation, but it keeps me grounded.
Nov 21, 2023·edited Nov 21, 2023Liked by Stacy Wentworth, M.D.
Beautiful essay.
In her last month, my late friend from my blood cancer support group used to say, “Sam, they’re treating me like I’m already gone but I’m still here.”
She was vital up until she passed, and she spoke a lot about the “mirror” you mentioned. How in healthcare, we sometimes negatively impact the process of death and dying, and patients begin seeing themselves differently in our mirrors.
She got me thinking about what would happen if we started treating people like they’re fully alive up until the very end? Would it change things? Would they get more time/better time? What can we learn from people if we treat them that way? How much vitality is left on the table for patients with terminal cancer? As healthcare providers, how can we help people access their full vitality, regardless of stage or remission status? Why does it feel like we start pulling away from people as they approach death? Do we unintentionally contribute to patients' isolation and invisibility in cancer because of the way that we treat them?
I don't know why that is. Suleika Jaouad described a similar feeling. I have to believe some of it is self-protection, whether we realize it or not? That doesn't make it right. Maybe part of it is the "warrior/fight" imagery of cancer that we unknowingly buy into as well. We don't know what to do when cancer is "winning."
I became a Paramedic as a second career after the professional photography industry had the rug pulled out from under us by the digital transition of the world. Entering in my late 30s instead of 18 like most of my peers gave me a different perspective. My children were already grown and in college, I had experienced loss.
People don’t call paramedics to their private sanctuary just because…. I have entered homes that their own family are not allowed in, seen them vulnerable and hurt, many are scared, did this event just change the trajectory of their lives? Who will take care of my husband? Our dog, feed the fish? Will you report we don’t have papers to be here? Secrets we all keep private.
I have done many things that you can never write a protocol. Because they were necessary.
Spending time one on one in the back of an ambulance or before we get into an aircraft gave me amazing insights into the people. This became part of my handoff report to the ER. It’s a connection to our shared experience on this planet.
I have asked this same question to all my patients for decades….. and gotten so many wonderful answers. They would fill volumes. What is the prettiest place you have ever been?
My hometown of Hiroshima, before the bomb.
In my mother’s garden the day we got married.
The battlefield in northern Italy the day WWII ended and I realized I had survived.
Victoria falls.
The Grand Canyon
We have a homeplace in the mountains, the sun rises between the peaks in the summer.
They get to relive, if just for a moment, another time without a paramedic present. I get a peek into a life well lived.
Dr Wentworth…. You also treated my wife, and her cancer….thank you…our 40th anniversary is coming soon.
Thanks for sharing. It all rings so true.
I literally wrote this essay after reading a similar post by Dr. Adam Cifu - and you doctors need to know that many of us chronic needs folks get and appreciate you. https://open.substack.com/pub/jimryser/p/memories-of-favorite-docs-who-helped?r=15g3mk&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
What a story! You really had some great doctors who *got* you. Awesome post.
Well and I wanted YOU to know that it’s clear that you truly care too. It’s the ones we find our humanity in that remind us to keep doing our best.
This is such an important post. We all need to be seen and understood. I see doctors and caregivers making countless and enormous assumptions.
100%. Almost weekly, a patient's answer completely shocked me.
Thanks for reading and for your comment!
Wow I love the thought behind this. Beautifully written and such an inspiration for me as I enter the world of caring for patients affected by cancer!
I became friendly with a very elderly woman in my village who had cancer. Bit by bit she sold me her wartime story: during WW2, when the Nazis invaded Poland, she and her parents were sent to a forced labour camp, where both the parents died. When the Russians liberated the camp she then spent almost two years in a Russian concentration camp. She eventually ended up in France, but never told her story. Lesson: Never assume elderly people are worthless. Many have lived amazing lives.
It's a good question. However, I would feel rather awkward answering it. I might briefly answer the question to get it off the table.
This is a very compassionate and inspiring post, thank you. I really regret not making it to many patients’ funerals, a combination of the relentless workload and normal family responsibilities leaves so little time for those important moments. I will try to do more in the present at least as this essay charges us
Oh my gosh, that video is from 2014! It feels so relevant, so needed still today. Loved it, great essay too. With health care as it is now, it’s understandable that everyone is rushed, not enough hands, and too much work, and yet two minutes in a chair makes all the difference.
I shared it with the people on Cancer Connection and have been getting a great response. Thank you!
Thank you for reading, Jen, and sharing with your audience. Sometimes I'm running around and I really don't have time for a long conversation, but it keeps me grounded.
Beautiful essay.
In her last month, my late friend from my blood cancer support group used to say, “Sam, they’re treating me like I’m already gone but I’m still here.”
She was vital up until she passed, and she spoke a lot about the “mirror” you mentioned. How in healthcare, we sometimes negatively impact the process of death and dying, and patients begin seeing themselves differently in our mirrors.
She got me thinking about what would happen if we started treating people like they’re fully alive up until the very end? Would it change things? Would they get more time/better time? What can we learn from people if we treat them that way? How much vitality is left on the table for patients with terminal cancer? As healthcare providers, how can we help people access their full vitality, regardless of stage or remission status? Why does it feel like we start pulling away from people as they approach death? Do we unintentionally contribute to patients' isolation and invisibility in cancer because of the way that we treat them?
Thank you for this conversation.
🙏Thank you for your kind words, Sam.
I don't know why that is. Suleika Jaouad described a similar feeling. I have to believe some of it is self-protection, whether we realize it or not? That doesn't make it right. Maybe part of it is the "warrior/fight" imagery of cancer that we unknowingly buy into as well. We don't know what to do when cancer is "winning."
And PS - I truly enjoy your essays.
I became a Paramedic as a second career after the professional photography industry had the rug pulled out from under us by the digital transition of the world. Entering in my late 30s instead of 18 like most of my peers gave me a different perspective. My children were already grown and in college, I had experienced loss.
People don’t call paramedics to their private sanctuary just because…. I have entered homes that their own family are not allowed in, seen them vulnerable and hurt, many are scared, did this event just change the trajectory of their lives? Who will take care of my husband? Our dog, feed the fish? Will you report we don’t have papers to be here? Secrets we all keep private.
I have done many things that you can never write a protocol. Because they were necessary.
Spending time one on one in the back of an ambulance or before we get into an aircraft gave me amazing insights into the people. This became part of my handoff report to the ER. It’s a connection to our shared experience on this planet.
I have asked this same question to all my patients for decades….. and gotten so many wonderful answers. They would fill volumes. What is the prettiest place you have ever been?
My hometown of Hiroshima, before the bomb.
In my mother’s garden the day we got married.
The battlefield in northern Italy the day WWII ended and I realized I had survived.
Victoria falls.
The Grand Canyon
We have a homeplace in the mountains, the sun rises between the peaks in the summer.
They get to relive, if just for a moment, another time without a paramedic present. I get a peek into a life well lived.
Dr Wentworth…. You also treated my wife, and her cancer….thank you…our 40th anniversary is coming soon.