I Made a Mistake

And you will too. How do we deal with that?

Ten years ago, I made a mistake on a patient’s radiation plan.

My partners and I, like so many medical practices, did not have an established peer review process at the time. Luckily, I was in the habit of reviewing my own cases the first week of treatment, so I caught it after only three days under beam.

It did not affect the patient’s overall chance for cure or cause any harm. It did mean, however, that I had to modify the plan and explain to the patient why I was adding a few more days of radiation.

I was so nervous the next morning as I waited for her to arrive at our clinic. I anticipated anger and likely a request to switch to another doctor. Completely understandable, I thought.

Instead, when I admitted my mistake, she told me that she was grateful. That I must care deeply about her to have kept thinking about her case and she trusted me completely.

The magnanimity of her response floored me. How could this be?

She finished her treatments just before Christmas and I scheduled a one month follow up visit after the holidays.

I was therefore surprised to see her and her daughters walking down our clinic hallway on Christmas Eve carrying a box of Christmas cookies and a card. To say that I was emotional is an understatement.

Afterwards, even though she was no longer my patient, each December I could count on a white bakery box full of yummy treats, a card overflowing with gratitude and a hug from her.

Years later when I changed practices, I figured that would be the end of that. Imagine my surprise when I got a call from the front desk of my new office that she had tracked me down. And there she was. Holding a white bakery box, tied with festive string, and topped with a heartfelt card. It had been a long and crazy year, so I was particularly grateful for her kindness.

This week, she emailed me to let me know that my goodies were ready and could we meet. It’s been ten years, she said, since you made the decision that saved my life.

Delicious chocolate drizzled biscotti from my patient this year

As we talked, I thought about the moment before I opened that exam room door over a decade ago. I can still feel the shame. And the gift of mercy that she gave me instead.

Over the years, I’ve gotten more comfortable saying that I've made a mistake and welcomed that admission in others, partly due to the grace with which my first professional mistake was handled by this patient.

(I've also become a huge proponent of prospective peer review that allows other eyes to catch these errors before they reach the patient.)

As you reflect on the past year and decide what to carry into the next, I hope that you are given grace for your mistakes.

And that you consider forgiving someone else.

Perhaps even yourself.

Merry Christmas to all who are mistaken. And to all who forgive.
Stacy ☃