Hi Stacy - Thanks for the heartfelt perspectives in your post, especially the four things to say when the end is near. Two years after successful surgery, I'm recovering pretty well from my advanced colorectal cancer. Last fall, I was determined to visit my three sons and their families back in the USA, just in case I have a recurrence and don't survive five years. Life is uncertain. That's why I sometimes eat dessert first. Best regards.
The only voice recording of my mother that I have is her almost crying telling me she needs me to come be with her because things are not good (Stage 4 breast cancer - we both had it and I lived, she didn’t). I didn’t get her bubbly laugh and her confident ‘normal’ voice. I am grateful I have this message, but sad I missed the chance to save a happier one.
Thank you for this, Dr Wentworth. This article made me cry, and I do not cry easily. What a wonderful doctor you are! When I was diagnosed with rectal cancer there was a period of time when they thought it had spread to my liver. I didn't know how things would progress and thought my time could be short. My children ranged in age from 9 to 15 at the time. It brought me peace to write letters and directions for my loved ones. I made a list of which videos I would make for my kids' future special occasions. Luckily my cancer was stage 3 and short-course pelvic radiation, APR surgery and 12 rounds of Folfox chemo was curative for me. I am 5 years post treatment now and still cancer free. But as a counselling therapist I sometimes lead people through the act of creating a death folder, discussing the idea of death and helping them prepare to leave their loved ones. It helps make death a part of life. This is usually comforting and helpful. To borrow from Mr. Rodgers - if you can make it mentionable, you can make it manageable. Once we know death is imminent it becomes important to discuss it openly and honestly. And we all will die at some point, so talking openly about death is healthy for everyone. We avoid this too much in our culture.
You are spot on, Janine. I find sometimes families have a harder time with this than the patient. Do you see that in your practice? Sometimes this is what limits the conversations.
Yes, absolutely. It is understandable - Families do not want to entertain the notion of their loved one dying, which makes it harder for the dying person to do the work of preparing. The individual who is dying sometimes ends up trying to spare the feelings of their family members. In doing so, everyone may lose the opportunity to traverse this chapter of life mindfully. It is a difficult conversation when we must encourage families to accept and talk about death, but it is an important conversation to have.
Hi Stacy - Thanks for the heartfelt perspectives in your post, especially the four things to say when the end is near. Two years after successful surgery, I'm recovering pretty well from my advanced colorectal cancer. Last fall, I was determined to visit my three sons and their families back in the USA, just in case I have a recurrence and don't survive five years. Life is uncertain. That's why I sometimes eat dessert first. Best regards.
Congatulations, Mikel. Life is uncertain and I'm so glad you got to see your sons. Thank you so much for reading.
The only voice recording of my mother that I have is her almost crying telling me she needs me to come be with her because things are not good (Stage 4 breast cancer - we both had it and I lived, she didn’t). I didn’t get her bubbly laugh and her confident ‘normal’ voice. I am grateful I have this message, but sad I missed the chance to save a happier one.
I follow you and Joe. Thank you
Thank you for this, Dr Wentworth. This article made me cry, and I do not cry easily. What a wonderful doctor you are! When I was diagnosed with rectal cancer there was a period of time when they thought it had spread to my liver. I didn't know how things would progress and thought my time could be short. My children ranged in age from 9 to 15 at the time. It brought me peace to write letters and directions for my loved ones. I made a list of which videos I would make for my kids' future special occasions. Luckily my cancer was stage 3 and short-course pelvic radiation, APR surgery and 12 rounds of Folfox chemo was curative for me. I am 5 years post treatment now and still cancer free. But as a counselling therapist I sometimes lead people through the act of creating a death folder, discussing the idea of death and helping them prepare to leave their loved ones. It helps make death a part of life. This is usually comforting and helpful. To borrow from Mr. Rodgers - if you can make it mentionable, you can make it manageable. Once we know death is imminent it becomes important to discuss it openly and honestly. And we all will die at some point, so talking openly about death is healthy for everyone. We avoid this too much in our culture.
You are spot on, Janine. I find sometimes families have a harder time with this than the patient. Do you see that in your practice? Sometimes this is what limits the conversations.
Yes, absolutely. It is understandable - Families do not want to entertain the notion of their loved one dying, which makes it harder for the dying person to do the work of preparing. The individual who is dying sometimes ends up trying to spare the feelings of their family members. In doing so, everyone may lose the opportunity to traverse this chapter of life mindfully. It is a difficult conversation when we must encourage families to accept and talk about death, but it is an important conversation to have.
Thank you Stacy! I’m humbled to be mentioned in your writing ❤️
Honored to bear witness. Good luck tomorrow.
Thank you!!!❤️
Great article! I've included its link in my latest post:
https://drmick.substack.com/p/a-tale-of-two-prognoses